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angbwild

Sep. 3rd, 2002 05:23 pm

drian and I took our first trip togather over the holiday weekend. He took me up to Boone NC into the Appalachian's. The first night there kind of sucked. there is absolutly no night life nor any place to stay. So we ended up at the only bar in town...a ty resturant with a disco light and some local rappers then we slept in the car. I woke up grouchy from having to sleep in the car then we went to Mel's Dinner and had a lousy breakfast so we actually had a pretty bad start to the day as well. But I got over it eventually. We ended up having a very good time. We started out going to the Mystery house. They have a really neat room in it that makes everyone walk sideways. It was really neat, but it made you sick at first when you walked in. Then we played with some of the other exibits that were there. They had some of the puzzles that Adrian likes to play with and a cool bubble exibit that can encase a person in a bubble that was fun. We tried a couple of times but never got the thing to go completly around us. We headed to blowing rock from there. The senery was beautiful around the rocks themselves but I really didn't get to see the view because it had been raining so much that all you could see was fog. But the walk did me some good cause it got me out of the funk I was in. From there we went to Tweetsie Railroad. We had a lot of fun there. WE rode a train that got robbed and we mined for gems and rode some of the rides. The mining was my favorite part. WE found some rubies and garnets and even a few emoralds. Adrian and I discovered that we both like mining for gems. Well, he said he was always a "rockhound", but I just didn't know it. We also had an old time photo done. The first one didn't turn out at all....oddly enough...adrian's face didn't come out at all.

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Aug. 15th, 2002 01:46 pm just another day...

Well, Technically...it is girl's night, but I dought anything is going to happen. Adrian is being a grouch. He is sick..He was bitten by a deer tick and now he has Rock Mountain Spoted fever. I know he feels bad, but he is being really pissy with his attitude. Like jumping all over me for nothing. But just last night he was like....I love you so much. I'm tired too so that doesn't help. I just feel like he jumped down my thoat for nothing. All because I asked him if he was going out iwth the guys tonight. He got all fussy and bent out of shape about it. Oh well I guess we will get through with this or we won't. I was just trying to figure out if I was going to visit with laura some tonight or if he was going to be home, then i might stay home with him. Maybe I should just go out somewhere other than the house. I have been at home everyday this week.

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Apr. 18th, 2002 02:30 pm

Adrian is great...I am great...things are great. I broke down the other day and told him all the things that I thought were bothering me. Mostly that i didn't know how to act around him. Especially when he is very sullen and quiet. IT was a wonderful conversation and I think we will do really well together. AS long as i remain willing to say what is on my mind.

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Apr. 17th, 2002 04:48 pm

Michelle Mathis: I don't understand it...you're box never blinks after you type a message, that's why sometimes I take so long to respond, simply because I hadn't thought you had yet
Michelle Mathis: silly yahoo
angbwild: yea...don't you know...it's a conspiracy against me! The whole Fucking worlds in on it....we are the only ones out of the loop.
angbwild: I'm glad we are not going to Arny's tomorrow night
angbwild: did you know that Arny is in Freddie's band?
angbwild: I didn't. I also didn't know that Freddie and Jimi had become buddies. Evidently Jimi and Freddie hang out up at Arny's. Think I'll pass...LOL. Don't get me wrong...I don't have anything against Jimi but that does't mean that I want to see him anywhere either.
BUZZ!!!
angbwild: hello?
Michelle Mathis: now that works
angbwild: lol
Michelle Mathis: after you send me a message, buzz me
angbwild: k
angbwild: did u get the previous ones?
Michelle Mathis: yeah
Michelle Mathis: I got them all I think
Michelle Mathis: That's fucking wild...so, what does Arnie play in the band???
Michelle Mathis: is everyone else still in it, or what?
angbwild: hell if i know....arny plays the keyboards
angbwild: what i think is funny is that Freddie called Adrian and told him Jimi was going to be there. LOL....what the hell is this...some kind of ex-boyfriend network? I didn't even know that Jimi hung out there on Thursdays.
angbwild: It's not like I keep track of his ass or anything.
angbwild: so what is your wild ass up to tonight?
BUZZ!!!
Michelle Mathis: ummm...we've got problems
Michelle Mathis: wait, nevermind...no we dont
Michelle Mathis: plans changed
angbwild: mer??
angbwild: you mean girls night right?
BUZZ!!!
Michelle Mathis: I'm talking...brb
angbwild: fine....ignore me then...I see how it is...no love...none at all....not even a little....I'm so neglected.....I'm so...I'm so...I'm so...I'm so full of shit.
Michelle Mathis: yeah, same kool-aid, different color
Michelle Mathis: ok
Michelle Mathis: originally on girl's night we were supposed to go to the Pajama party at Arnie's on Thursday, but then last night plans got changed, so now we're cooking out at Laura's and Jena has a surprise
Michelle Mathis: but it sucks that we almost had to change plans man
angbwild: I don't know that we would have.
angbwild: fuck em
angbwild: actually..
angbwild: fuck ALL of them
angbwild: did adrian call you about the parts to your car?
Michelle Mathis: yeah
Michelle Mathis: and you know as well as I do we would've changed plans because eventually it would've come out to adrian that you and jimi were in the same bar and who knows what people will come up with from that...you know how roumers fly in that damn bar!
angbwild: THAT AIN'T NO SHIT....
angbwild: actually I was more interested to see laura and Freddie take a spin at each other.
angbwild: lol
angbwild: you and i both know odds are jimi and i wouldn't say a word to each other. God knows I have nothing to say to him.
angbwild: but your right about the rumors. I'm sure he would have heard that I was all up on him even if I didn't say a word to him.
BUZZ!!!
Michelle Mathis: yeah, and as insecure as he is right now, that's the last thing he needs to hear, I mean the relationship is rather new, so to hear something so soon could become quite detramental even though it shouldn't
Michelle Mathis: (P.S. Thanks for the buzz man)
Michelle Mathis: I killme
angbwild: ROFLMAO
angbwild: no prob man.
Michelle Mathis: 45 more minutes and I'm outta here...do you think that's bad considering I took 1 hour and 45 minutes for lunch?
angbwild: to reiterate....fuck it
angbwild: so...where are you headed after work?
Michelle Mathis: jena and I are going to drive around for a while
Michelle Mathis: ya know, she's got the time and I've got the convertible, so we've got a date
angbwild: gee....what you guys gonna do...snicker snicker.
Michelle Mathis: lol...tell ya what, we'll drive by your work and blow in your window...how's that?
angbwild: yea yea yea
Michelle Mathis: hehehe
angbwild: jenna not working tonight either?
Michelle Mathis: she might be later, but not at 4:15
Michelle Mathis: I'm not sure about later tonight though
angbwild: cool. IT's a beautiful day for a ride that's for sure!
angbwild: I hear you and laura were converseing about me at lunch today.
angbwild: by the way...I think you are right about one thing
angbwild: I was taking a real good look at the pictures of me and Adrian in the file that I sent you. And i realized something very important.
angbwild: The people in those pictures are who we really are when the other isn't looking.
angbwild: Just like I'm funny and fun loving and fun to be around...when he's not there. When we first met there wasn't any pressure to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing.
angbwild: So what if we did...he was just another guy in a bar and I was just another girl in a bar.
angbwild: Now all these damn feeling have gotten in the way and we have become intimidated by each other.
angbwild: sound right to you?
angbwild: hello...hello...tap tap tap....is this thing working?
angbwild: lets try this
BUZZ!!!
angbwild:
Michelle Mathis: BY GEORGE I THINK SHE'S GOT IT!!!!...Hence I reiterate: why not just be who you were without letting go of the love? I mean, best of both worlds ya know...you get to be you, he gets to be him, you guys get to be in love...and, imagine that, you get to be in love with the person you actually fell in love with...what have you got to lose? I mean, he wasn't there before him and you were fine, shit girl not that what you have isn't great, but if you both let go I bet it could be so much better
Michelle Mathis: then again...this coming from the woman who hasn't had a relationship in.....how long??
angbwild: yea..but it is so much easier said than done.
angbwild: remember when i said that things were so much easier with jimi and shane...I figured that one out too....because i knew why they were with me. I knew that I was a good catch for them. With Adrian...I don't know that. I can name 5 girls right off the bat that would love to take my place. So I guess i can't figure out why he would pick me when there are so many others out there. Then the insecurity starts.
angbwild: viscious cycle really!
Michelle Mathis: ohhhhh, so, you're experiencing it from the other side...lol....welcome to "their" world...lol
Michelle Mathis: hey, I've got to run, I have to meet jena at the house in 4 minutes....love you bye!
Yahoo! Messenger: naligha_77 has logged out. (4/17/02 at 4:11 PM)

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Apr. 12th, 2002 09:48 am

Adrina and i had an off night last night. I don't know what happened. I was going to girls night like normal. Adrian called up and was being his usual sweet self. Until he didn't know exactly where we were going or what we were doing. Laura wanted to take us on a road trip and all she said was to be at the house at 6:00 and be ready for a short road trip. Ok...so we are having a little adventure SO WHAT! It bothered the hell out of Adrian that he didn't know where we were going or what we were doing. Just like it bothered him that my plans change and i ended up at a pool hall with heather. WHy should it bother him if I don't know what I am doing that night when i didn't eve have plans with him anyway. Why do I have to call him and tell him that my plans have changed when they we not with him anyway? He is a really sweet guy and I do love him to death but he is sooo moody sometimes. I feel like we go through these lowes of silence where neither of us has anything to say and can't think of anything either so we just sit on the phone. Man i hate talking on the phone. Plus I guess I wasn't thrilled at the prospect of Adrian being picked up by twins last night. He was telling me that a set of twins tried to get him to go home with them last night and all the guys were telling him he was whooped because he wouldn't do anything with them. Nice of them don't you think. Especially when he is concerned that my friends would come between us. doesn't sound like my friend are the problem. I guess i should just stop worrying. We will either work or we wont worrying won't help anything. But I think If i stop talking to bobby it might help a lot. My life has gotten so much better since Adrian is in it. But I don't know how to talk to him...to tell him how I feel. I guess we are both so scared of the other person not liking us that we get stuck in each other. I don't know how to act around him sometimes...actually most of the time. I can't believe that i started spotting again. i am right on schedule with my pills too. Why am i feeling so much pressure in my life right now? I wish I could figure it out. Is it Adrian that is making me feel this way or is it the combination of him, his attitude sometimes, and my friends and their attitude sometimes. Both can be in the wrong, but neither is unjustified. All i know is i am tired of feeling like the middle man and I am damn sure tired of doing damage control.

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Apr. 11th, 2002 10:25 am lyrics

i"VE GOT A DIRECTION
I DON'T NEED YOUR PERSMISSION
TO BE FOOT LOOSE AND FANCE FREE
I DON'T ANSWER TO ANYONE
I SET MY OWN RULES
SO WHO ARE YOU TO BE THE JUDGE OF ME.

YOU CAN TAKE IT AS IT IS OR
LEAVE IT AS YOU FOUND IT
BUT YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE WHAT YOU SEE
I'VE BEEN THIS WAY LONGER THAN YOU CAN REMEMBER
SO WHY START ACTING UP ON ME
YOU CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT
AND DO WHAT YOU LIKE
BUT IN THE END YOU WILL SEE
YOU CAN TAKE IT AS IT IS OR
YOU CAN LEAVE IT AS YOU FOUNDIT
BUT YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE THE LIKES OF ME.

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Apr. 10th, 2002 09:18 am

I fall more in love with adrian every day. He just called me this morning. Just to tell me that he loved me and that I was on his mind. How sweet is that. He is such a great guy and good person. He has such a giving heart and a sweet side that amazes me. I truly can't see anything in him that I haven't daydreamed about being in my dream guy. He is a true cowboy, wears boots, has blue eyes, quiet when he's troubled, passionate in bed, an amazing mind, a sweet, funny personality that always keeps me on my toes. The only thing I would change about him if I could would be his quickness to categorize people, but you can't take the Gemini out of the man I suppose. LOL ; ) I just wish that things would get better for him. He is having such a hard time right now. I know that once he gets back up on his feet that he will be fine again.

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Apr. 9th, 2002 05:02 pm

HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE THE ROPE IN A GAME OF TUG-OF-WAR? I DO...ACTUALLY I HAVE FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS IF NOT MORE.

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Apr. 3rd, 2002 11:36 am lyics

darling I can wish away your past but that won't change a thing
when your standing here before me hold all your broken dreams

I can tell say the words
but I can't make you believe them
I can promise you the future
but I can give you all my love
I can hold you in my arms
but I can't make you feel the strength
I can pull you close
but only if your not running
I can give you all of me
but I can't make you take it.

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Mar. 28th, 2002 09:19 am

Adrian and I spent last night just chilling around the house. He called me up at work and said that he had something to go in my bedroom. I was like OK? the possibilities here could be endless....right.. Evidently his dad has a big screen TV that they are wanting to get rid of. Hell Ya. So we went out to his dad's house and picked it up. My loving, giving, extremely intelligent boyfriend brought it into my bedroom then ca mensed to taking it apart and cleaning it and tweaking it until the screen is almost perfect. Just a few more adjustments and it will be fine...just like a regular big screen. Isn't that thoughtful of him to give it to me. He told me last night that he worried that he wouldn't be able to give me everything in live that I would want as in material things. The men in his family have always been the providers and he worries that he won't be enough. Is that not the most unselfish, heart-warming thing you have ever heard? He thinks there are a million rich guys out there that would want to date me..so why would i be with him. WHat he doesn't understand is...in his asking that he gave himself one of the very reasons I'm with him instead of anyone else. He is so caring and thoughtful. THere is just something about him that makes me week in the knees...or head...? He can just look at me and turn me on. He has such pretty blue eyes, and a great smile. He has an enthusiastic charm about him and a real zest for life. I can't wait to move in togather. It will make things so much easier on both of us. I just get nervous sometimes about it. I guess it's just an abandonment issue or something. I get scared that he won't be happy with things once we are living togather. OR that he will change his mind afterwards or worse change period after we move in togather. I just don't want to move in to this place and find myself stuck in a situation that I can't get out of again. OR find myself with everything I own in the back seat. Man I hate that. I know that love is a leap of faith...but doesn't self preservation have to kick in sometime?

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